"Explaining My Depression to My Mother: A Conversation" by Sabrina Benaim

by Kristen Landry

Note: This post was written by a Franciscan Missionaries of Our Lady University student in the fall of 2017.

Poetry is an expressive art that can be extremely therapeutic. This aspect is unique in that it is subject to the individual conception of the reader. One piece of writing may touch the depths of a soul while a different piece of writing may not be affected in the least. This aspect is the beauty of poetry. “Explaining My Depression to My Mother: A Conversation” by Sabrina Benaim reveals therapeutic qualities to those struggling with depression by being relatable, providing comfort, and strengthening self-image. Sabrina Benaim displays a beautiful vessel of encouragement and mental aid for someone suffering from depression.

The poem, “Explaining My Depression to My Mother: A Conversation” is a therapeutic poem because it has a way of conveying empathy. Benaim writes as though she understands the mind of a depressed individual. Perhaps she has been trapped in the same dark closet of depression at some time in her own life. Choosing to write this poem as a conversation was brilliant in terms of being relatable. Words are so much more meaningful when coming from someone who has shared the same experiences, someone who can truly relate to an emotion that is so difficult to understand by one's own self much less by someone who has never experienced it. There is a distinct feel of empathy exhibited in this poem, which creates immediate engagement for a person yearning to be understood while feeling trapped in a world blinded to the emotional agony of depression. The figurative language used in this poem captures feelings that are unable to be expressed through mere words which are evident when the poet writes in lines two and three:

              One day it’s as small as a firefly in the palm of a bear

              The next it’s the bear

The simile “as small as a firefly” is reflective of the more manageable side of depression but not to dismiss the fact that it is still there like a burning ember waiting to ignite. But when Benaim uses metaphors to describe depression, such as referring to depression as “it’s the bear,” one can instinctively feel the eruption of inner rage that is being squelched. Therapy can only take place if one feels understood and has that “me too” moment when raw emotion is revealed to give a sure sense of being understood.

           

Another therapeutic characteristic is the feeling of comfort. Comport can come about whenever a person with depression is able to finally accept that it is sometimes impossible to force a person who is not struggling with depression to understand the depth of their depression battle. Throughout the poem, multiple indications of her mother not understanding her depression are referred to as immense struggle and emotion. This repetition eventually sets the realization that those, even someone as close to a child as their own mother, who have not experienced the darkness of depression cannot be expected to fully understand it. The use of personification in line 15, “I can’t, anxiety holds me a hostage inside of my house inside of my head”, clearly makes the problem her own. In line 16, it is evident that her mom clearly has no understanding when the poet writes, “Mom says where did anxiety come from”. This dissolves the expectation of being understood by someone who has never experienced depression (even someone who should have the best understanding of her, like her mom.) This provides a comfort blanket to those struggling with depression by showing them that not everyone will understand what they are going through and it is okay.

An additional therapeutic quality of this poem for someone who feels constrained by their own depression is the ability to build and strengthen the way they see their own identity. This strength comes from feeling that one is not alone in the fight for their own happiness. When Benaim says,

              Mom says, ‘Happy is a decision’

              But my happy is as hollow as a pin pricked egg

              My happy is a high fever that will break

she creates an immediate engagement for a person yearning to be understood while feeling trapped in a world blinded to the emotional agony of depression. Strength comes by giving a voice to the voiceless and help to the helpless. A sense of clarity is found through realizing certain traits are symptoms of depression rather than characteristics of one's own personality. Nobody wants to feel unhappy, thus by understanding the difference between symptoms of depression and one's own personality traits, the mask that depression is usually concealed behind can be removed. Most people suffering from depression are carrying around the same struggles without any awareness. Depression can create a discomfort for both sides, the person affected and the listener, especially if the one who is being spoken to has never experienced it. Hearing someone’s vulnerability pertaining to depression like Benaim displays in this poem can provide a level of acceptance to one's own depression, which ultimately leads to the strengthening of their own self-imagine.

           

In conclusion, poetry is a great therapeutic outlet. Poetry in itself can be considered a vehicle for the expression of emotions that might be hard for one to explain on their own. It has the ability to provoke feelings, which range from utter elation to the depths of despair. By reading poetry one can relate to, comfort, clarity, strength, and even a positive view of oneself can be attained.